What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
