I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
