I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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