i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize