he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
