In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
