do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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