Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
