So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
