I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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