Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
