shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
NoShamevember. You game?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
