I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
