I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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