I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
