I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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