The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
