checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
