I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
