Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
