Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
