dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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