Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
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so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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