the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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