**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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