Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
