I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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