i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
