Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
