4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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