you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
