oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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