This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
