New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
