im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
