I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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