Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize