Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
