alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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