we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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