$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
