the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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