is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
