It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
