He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
