I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
