I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
