don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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