first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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