roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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