Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
