ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
