look no pants
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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