Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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