When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
