thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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