Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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