Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't deserve a penis
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
