You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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