He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
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I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
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You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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