I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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