I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
