They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
